Rumination

I was thinking about my goats the other day. I often do! They are such charming creatures. Individual, clever.

I used to keep dairy goats along with my pedigree sheep, and I showed them for fun - entering them into milking competitions to get them their qualifications.

Yes! Goats get qualifications too!

You see, these goats were prolific milkers, giving up to 2 gallons of milk a day! And I spent a lot of time with them.

They were wonderful company - each responding to her name - and a joy for my children growing up! Watching the young goats and the children playing together for hours in the field made me think “Rightly is they called KIDS!”

But I was thinking about the peaceful times. The goats would all be lying down cudding. Having four stomachs they need to regurgitate their food, chew it thoroughly, and park it in their rumen where the bacteria get to work and break it down further. 

This cudding would take up hours of their day. It was a pleasant and relaxing time for them as they lay with their herdmates, the kids and the goatlings (their older offspring) going over their food again.

The young kids had no need to cud as they were still on milk, so they’d doze in the sunshine near their mothers - or race around playing chase and jumping on the resting goats, using them as an agility course!

So this going over old stuff, re-examining it and putting it away again in the rumen, is where we get our word RUMINATING.

We tend to pluck events out of our memory and go over and over them pushing and pulling, poking and prodding …

WHYWHYWHY? we ask.

• Why did he say that?

• What did that mean?

• How did I go wrong? 

If we do it deliberately and with a purpose, we can actually benefit from this introspection.

But usually it jumps into our mind unbidden. We turn it over and over, we beat ourselves up more and more, and we come to NO conclusion.

We chew it and swallow it down again but back it comes!

It just won’t go away!

Dwelling on the past

This kind of dwelling on the past is really counterproductive. Endlessly going over something that happened, without actively pushing towards a resolution or an acceptance, is exhausting!

In fact, studies have shown that rumination leads to self-blame, and that in turn can lead to anxiety and depression. Brooding too much on negative events has been shown to be the biggest predictor of depression and anxiety - and the brooding is a bigger factor than the actual event that triggered it!

Really!

The goats are ahead of us here! They ruminate or “cud” for a specific purpose, and when they’re done, they’re done - time to get active again and do some more eating. They don’t keep recycling the same food and cud it for ever! They do what they need to do and move on.

So we can take a lesson from them! by all means re-visit an event that unsettled you but do it with purpose.

Analyse it, see what you could have done differently, and make a mental note to do that next time.

Things happen. Apportioning blame is of no use whatever! It doesn’t make anyone feel any better.

Least of all if it’s yourself you’re blaming!

You can halt this cycle in its tracks once you recognise it.

Know that this rumination and self-blame is harming you not helping! Changing your approach to this aspect of your life can have massive beneficial effects. Learning to accept is essential to avoid self-blame and beating ourselves up!

Then developing the courage to change is the next vital step.

You may know the “Serenity prayer”? It has morphed a bit over the years and I prefer Niebuhr’s original version:

Give us courage to change what must be altered

serenity to accept what cannot be helped,

and the insight to know the one from the other.

That last line is the key!“The insight to know the one from the other”! Fighting against your circumstance, complaining about something you can’t influence - something you cannot change - is a waste of your precious energy.

Finding what you want to change while accepting the rest, is what will lead you to inner peace.

Think of those gentle goats unquestioningly enjoying life. they were quite clear in what they wanted.

Be a goat!

Accept.

Look for what you can change.

Many of us don't realise we're actually doing it!

In my novel Keeping Tabs Tabitha spends ages going around and around in self-doubt in ever smaller circles, forever questioning herself. It was up to her friends to show her by their example and by their words that she didn't have to stay there! She could get out of it.

Now if you have a friend like that who will listen without judgment then you are lucky! Talk to them. But if you haven't  … there's me!

I can help you - this is what I do!

So if you have a desire to stop dwelling in the past and achieve the future you want, and take the chance to talk to me, you can go to this page or email me, saying GOAT!

I don’t bite .. and I don’t butt!