Boundaries: do they contain you or protect you?

What springs into your mind when you say the word “Boundary”?

If you’re me, you think of Cricket!

Yes, really, that’s the first thing I think of when I hear the word Boundary. Any non-English readers will just have to accept that Cricket is a religion here, woven deeply into our culture - indeed it’s deep in our vocabulary! So many sayings, if they don’t come from Shakespeare, the Bible, or the Navy, come from Cricket. Like ‘being on a sticky wicket’, or ‘stumped’, to ‘have a good innings’, ‘it’s just not cricket’ …But that’s a topic for another day … 😁

So it may be that you think differently about the word boundary.

You may see it as a containing, constricting, fence. Something that stops you going as far as you’d like in life.

Or you may think of boundaries as things you shouldn’t cross - in social intercourse, for instance.

Others may see boundaries as something made to cross! Explorers, experimenters, scientists, artists - all see boundaries as a challenge.

Boundaries can be a very good thing

But what I want to look at is the boundary that protects us. The boundary that forms our outer defences, like the moat round a castle.

It’s so easy to give in to everyone all the time. To put everyone else first.

Perhaps you were brought up to believe that that’s good and noble? To efface yourself to oblivion?

Well, it ain’t.

You need to reinforce your boundaries if you are to protect your mental health and your creativity.

You need to allow people so far and no further. This will vary massively, of course, depending on who the person is!

But even our loved ones and closest family need to respect our boundaries and not push their luck.

How to fix a boundary?

So how do you establish your boundaries?

You need to have some space to yourself. Your writing room, or sewing room, your drawing room or your cooking room - these may be a whole room, or just a corner of one. But it’s yours! And it should be respected.

And you most definitely need some time to yourself.

None of us can keep going, 18 hours a day, serving others. We need our own time, me-time, R & R time - whatever you want to call it.

You may like to take that time soaking in a bubble bath; listening to music; playing a sport; walking the dog; getting a massage; meditating.

However you like to spend your time, you need some of it! And it needs to be devoted to what YOU want.

Put yourself first!

Here’s official permission - put yourself first!

Not all the time, sure. But you need time to get what you want done.

If you are always devoted to serving others, you are working to their agenda. And where will you be when they waltz off and leave you behind. What will you have achieved for yourself?

Tell me in the comments - what do YOU do when you carve out some alone time? What fills your well?

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