Trust is earned

Trust is not something we have a right to. We have to earn it!

Constant repetition of being reliable, there when needed, that will earn you trust.

Ignoring the brickbats, when people kick out at you in anger or frustration, and seeing instead the small child within them who is looking for help.

That’s what earns you trust.

So sometimes you have to swallow your pride and turn the other cheek. It can be hard to hold back on what we’d like to say - especially when we know we’re right!

But do you really want to confront someone over a small thing that will be unimportant down the road? Or can you be strong enough to let it pass and focus on what you really want - that they should learn to trust you and your word so you can move forward together?

“Lose the battle but win the war”

Sometimes it’s well worth conceding victory, if it means you build up trust for the rest of your life.

I’m sure that - just like me - you can think of times when you’ve damaged the trust someone had in you because you wanted to show you were in the right. It took me a good while to learn that lesson! When my children did something I didn’t want, I would say to myself, “Is this a hill I want to die on?” In other words, is this battle worth the victory?

My father, when teaching me road safety behind the wheel, would say, “It’s no good sitting on your cloud plucking your harp and saying ‘but it was my right of way!’”. Being in the right is not necessarily being right …

Competence, honesty, and benevolence

These are the three dimensions of trust in the workplace as defined by researchers. I read that as: you have to know what you’re doing, you have to be honest about what you don’t know, and always be kind.

And on the other side of the coin, you need to believe that others know what they’re doing, are honest with you, and have your best interests at heart.

Simplistic, perhaps?

But a good starting point!

It’s not about you!

One of those lessons that can be hard to learn is that it’s not about you! People do things for their own reasons, not because they’re getting at you.

The child doesn’t have a tantrum because she wants to upset you - she’s upset herself and feeling helpless.

That puppy didn’t nip your hand because he’s vicious - he doesn’t yet know how to play.

Your employee isn’t falling down in his work because he doesn’t like you - he may have problems at home.

Take yourself out of the equation, and life can appear a whole lot simpler. And you’ll gradually earn the trust that makes it enjoyable.

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