Self-confidence - how do you get it?

I get a lot of questions from clients who struggle with their confidence. There can be a ton of reasons for this!

• For many women it’s to do with not feeling heard.

• Not feeling they are getting the recognition they want.

• Not confident to stand up to the men at work.

And when they say they’re not confident to stand up to the men at work, they’re not complaining of bullying or harassment or anything like that - that would be a different issue entirely!

What they’re saying is that the men seem to have the self-confidence that they feel they’re lacking. The men’s ideas are considered more important.

Now, this is not a man-bashing session - far from it. We all have to work or live with people of both sexes. So we need to learn a bit about what makes them tick!

So why do so many people feel they lack confidence? And why are so many of those people women?

I think it has a lot to do with how we’re socialised as women: we’re brought up to be meek, quiet, of service. We’re taught to keep our place, not to speak out of turn.

What’s praised in our brothers - being full of themselves, making decisions, controlling the games - is actually criticised in their sisters!

Women were often regarded as lower beings

Many of us were brought up in a time when it was the norm for women to take a subservient role. Either they stayed in the home doing all the home stuff - child-rearing, shopping, cleaning, and so on. Or they also worked outside the home, but often in a role which was subordinate, and considered less important than their husband’s job (and they still did all the home stuff  - child-rearing, shopping, cleaning, and so on!).

I know this is a huge generalisation! And there’ll be some of you whose mothers were doctors, businesswomen, artists, independent women. You may not have got this message in your own family, but in society as a whole it was rampant.

And that early conditioning often remains. If someone had to stop working, it would normally be the woman.

If someone earned more money it would normally be the man.

All this reinforced the general perception that women’s work was less important.

And it’s a small jump from that thought to the thought that

• women are less important.

• Therefore their IDEAS are less important.

• Their OPINIONS are less important.

So we’re possibly starting at a real disadvantage when it comes to standing up for ourselves or putting ourselves forward.

This is such a waste!

We were all born with a talent. Everyone is good at something. And it may seem hard to see that if every time you make a suggestion it’s beaten down. (Or you worry that it WILL be beaten down, so you don’t even make the suggestion in the first place!)

Often the lack of confidence is based in a lack of knowledge.

You want to say something but you’re just not sure you’re right.

But even when you KNOW you know. You KNOW you are as well-qualified as the person you’re talking to. Even then you don’t dare put your idea forward!

Or you make a suggestion and sit back, shrinking in your chair, waiting for it to be shot down in flames!

Does this sound familiar to you at all?

So this is your moment! Step forward and say what you think.

Maybe you want to totally disagree with me! And that’s absolutely fine! You know that there’ll be no judgment here. You know this is a safe space to say what you think. (HINT: Comment below!)

There’s a lot for us to work against when we feel we’re lacking in confidence! But nobody else is going to push you forward. It’s up to YOU to do it yourself.

You have an individual voice and you DO have something to say!

We want to hear you speak.

A good place for us to hear you speak is in Creativity Central! Hop over there and spill the beans …