Stop saying YES to everyone!

Who do you say YES to?

Is it everyone who asks you anything? In your work, your home, your social life?

Saying YES to everyone else often means saying NO to yourself! There are only so many hours in a day! And over-committing to others is going to lead to CHAOS in your life!

An automatic “YES, of course I will”, “You can rely on me”, “I won’t let you down, just tell me what you need …” is laying yourself open to being a doormat!

That’s an impolite way of saying “people-pleaser”.

Are you a people-pleaser?

And what’s a people-pleaser? Someone who sacrifices their own wants and needs in order to please others.

Now, I’m not saying don’t help others!

Not at all, of course not!

What I’m saying is that you need to BALANCE this. You need to make sure that when you say YES it’s because you genuinely want to do the thing, and it will benefit you too.

Because if all these things you say YES to only benefit the person who’s asked you, then this is a very unfair division of labour!

Keep in mind that when you say YES to someone else, you’re saying NO to yourself!

Whatever time the task you’ve agreed to is going to take - is time lost to your own projects and desires.

If you keep saying YES to everyone, as a knee-jerk reaction, you’re going to end up with NO time or energy for yourself! 😱

No time or energy to plan the rest of your one, marvellous, exciting, life!

And that’s a true disaster!

The thing is, if you commit all your time to everyone else, when are you going to do the things you have to do? or the things you want to do?

I hear so much from people who have chaotic lives. They’re always chasing their tails, trying to get things done, wondering why they can’t just work through their to-do lists and be able to strike the items off!

Time Management?

Sometimes they’ll blame it on “time management”. But you know what? There’s no such thing as “time management”! You can’t manage time!

Time is going to chunter on regardless of what you try to do with it.

The only thing you can manage is YOURSELF. And how you use your time.  

And managing yourself is going to include managing your mouth! When someone asks you to put everything aside and accommodate them,  

Manage your mouth!  

Don’t automatically say, “of course”. Look at what YOU want, and then see if you want to do this thing for them at all. And if you decide you do, when do you want to do it?

⏰ Not on THEIR schedule! On YOURS!

Boundaries

You see, You’re not being unkind or ungenerous. You’re simply establishing some boundaries.

✅ Boundaries round your own precious time and resources.

✅ Boundaries round your energy.

✅ Boundaries round what’s really important to you.

And you know what?

People will respect you for that! People will value your contribution more!

You know the saying, “Work a willing horse”? It’s human nature to keep working that horse till it drops. Then go and find a new one.

Is this hard for you?

Many people find this a struggle. We are, after all, largely raised to be acquiescent.

This can lead you to feel that your ideas are not valued, therefore your place in the world is not valued. Do you have to buy your place in the world by giving away your autonomy?

❓ So how, dear people-pleaser, are you going to change things?

❓ How are you going to establish boundaries round what’s valuable to YOU?

❓ Where are you going to make a start on reclaiming your personal time and energy?

I’d so love to help you do just that! Tell us in the comments if you can see yourself here!

And be sure to join us in Creativity Central where we thrash these things out together. There’s a new Live Training there for you this week - have you watched it yet?